Why Practice?

The sitting challenge has brought up some thoughts on awareness and observing, for me.
I am becoming more and more aware of how I am experiencing reality. My awareness is that my reality has been focused on things that are happening to me and around me, so then my body and mind reacts and then the suffering begins, anxiety, why me's, feelings of less than, what have I got myself into..... the list can go on and on.
Today I am observing my perspective on the things that are happening and going on around me. I am finding out that my perception of how things are can be so delusional. I feel that that is when I am trying to control an outcome, that I have no business being in control of. My delusions are based on how I FEEL about something or someone. So when in the delusional stage of my mind then my experience is like it talked in the week 2 video, I have created a gap that then seperates me from what is real.
The carrying self forward, searching for what I already am. I have been for the last few weeks searching for my self and for my loved ones self. I am coming to the realization that everything that I am wanting in my life and my loved ones life is all ready here, I already have it.

I so related to the Act of crossing the crosswalk on the yellow light. My behavior for the last few weeks have been something to that effect. My delusion is that I am doing a good deed for my loved one. What I have come to the awareness even in my doing good deeds, I can walk across a cross walk and stop all that is behind me, just because I may think I know what is best for my loved one, may send a domino effect through all the others that are involved and even some that I dont even know. I am becoming aware of how I can effect others. Even in my GOOD DEED I have caused some domino effect. I have been controling and manipulating, while thinking I am helping and loving.

Today this very moment I am becoming aware of my delusions and my realities. It is not always pleasant, to see the truth in my journey of my becoming enlightened. I am looking forward to more and more of this wonderful journey of happiness and that is what I believe for me is the enlightenment. Becoming aware of how my behavior ,reactions, can and does effect others around me and effects myself thus causing suffering.