First day of work

Anxious, nausea, excitement, fear, proud..... the list can go on.
I am all those and then some at this given moment, but that is ok. I am aware of my feelings and they will pass on. This is a big day for me and I am going to be present. Wow what a gift. I am ok today. This is what came in my email this morning. How appropriate for my thoughts before coffee and a little meditation time. Looking forward to my Meditation group tonight. Will have to get my sitting in at night time it looks like, trying to go to the gym and have coffee and readings I thing are good for morning and then will find some time at noon to sit a bit and then before bedtime, I think that is the plan for now. God is good today......

September 28, 2009
Tricycle's Daily Dharma
Why are you doing this?
Before you do anything, you should ask yourself why you are doing it, what is your purpose; what course of action are you embarking on. If the path ahead seems troublesome, perhaps you shouldn't take it; if it looks worthwhile, you can probably proceed. First, check up. Don't act without knowing what's in store for you.
–Lama Thubten Yeshe, from “Your Mind is Your Religion,” Tricycle, Summer 2000

Today is a day of learning.

Buddhist Intolerance?
Buddhism is often considered a religion of tolerance. In many ways it is. But a particular kind of intolerance develops as we practice: intolerance to suffering. I use the word “intolerance” to be deliberately provocative, to encourage you to reflect on suffering and the issues surrounding it.
Taking suffering seriously is an important element of Buddhist practice. To ignore it is to miss a powerful opportunity. Intolerance to suffering motivated the Buddha to find liberation from it. Suffering, a feeling of dissatisfaction with life, motivates people to engage in spiritual practice. The Buddha's challenge is for us to become free of our suffering.
—Gil Fronsdal , from “Intolerance to Suffering,” Tricycle, Winter 2002

I like......
Suffering, a feeling of dissatisfaction with life, motivates people to engage in spiritual practice.
A feeling of dissatisfaction with life, boy can I cause my own suffering. This morning for instance, I have been mind screwing myself for the longest time about my eating habits and my weight gain, thus causing suffering. Totally dissatisfied with where I am at with my health. But have I been willing to change my behaviors in what causes my suffering, that is what I also read this morning in my reflection time...... It stated Karma, to every cause is an effect, everything I do is going to reflect how I going to be, do I really want to over eat and not exercise, thus the effect is not feeling healthy and good about myself, which then the self pity, poor mes, then the feeling of less than, then the frustration of eventually not fitting into the hundreds of clothing I have in my closet....... the list goes on and on.

Do I really want to send my husband off to work with an unkind word or a sulking disposition because I don't like who I am or what I am feeling. Cause is self pity once again and the effect is making others around me suffer along with my misery.

I am noticing more and more that everything I do has an effect with me and around me, not just me but all that I come into contact with.
I am hoping today that I take these thoughts with me, during my luncheon with my mother and her boyfriend. I hope today that I can do the right thing, react the right way, or just don't react at all and accept all that is going on around me at that given moment, good, bad, uneasiness, distaste, sadness, fear, loss. You see my mother has invited my sister and I to a lunch with her boyfriend, whom is African American, that is not the issue, but he seems to bring that up with her all the time, so I believe that is his issue. But anyway we are going to as per his request discuss that fact that my mother and him are in love and she is going to be moving in with him in the near future. Today I am so OK with what ever she wants to do with her life is her business, but the issue with me is that this man, in my opinion is not really who he says he is in all his affairs, but that being said I am going to go with an open mind, and not think of what he thinks I am, it really is important of my thoughts of him, being kind, gracious and able to listen and not react to my thoughts of what they are going to be doing with their lives.

Practice Practice Practice......... that is all that I can do. Do the best to apply my principals that I have learned from AA and my spiritual journey.


Karma.... cause and effect...... what happens at any given and how I react to what happens in any given moment will effect my next moment and the next and the next.


Think think think................

Just read this after my previous post.

Become Aware of Awareness

The goal of attention, or shamatha, practice is to become aware of awareness. Awareness is the basis, or what you might call the “support,” of the mind. It is steady and unchanging, like the pole to which the flag of ordinary consciousness is attached. When we recognize and become grounded in awareness, the “wind” of emotion may still blow. But instead of being carried away by the wind, we turn our attention inward, watching the shifts and changes with the intention of becoming familiar with that aspect of consciousness that recognizes Oh, this is what I’m feeling, this is what I’m thinking. As we do so, a bit of space opens up within us. With practice, that space—which is the mind’s natural clarity—begins to expand and settle.

–Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, from “The Aim of Attention” from the Summer 20009 issue of Tricycle

I am so grateful that I am "getting it" for the most part. Becoming aware of what is happening and just being the feeling, thought for me is an awsome feeling. I love When we recognize and become grounded in awareness, the “wind” of emotion may still blow lets me know that even when life is just happening all around me, Leons stuff, his wife Barbara's stuff, the pharmacy stuff with their meds....... the list can go on and on and even though the list can go on and on I am able to say ok this is what is happening, this is definite anger, frustration.... and just do the next right thing and not have to try to control it make the feelings go away, just be and then it then passes on! I have for a bit now been in some crazy frustrating situations that before my becoming aware and watching my feelings and reactions I would have just lost it, today I am for the most part able to sit back breath and oh ok this is not how I was thinking it should go but ok what is the next right to resolve what ever it may be or just to realize I cant resolve everything it is just what it is!! Whewwwwww! that is a big big deal for this sick puppy!!
Lovin my life more and more each day, being so grateful for even the not so good stuff is pretty cool stuff.

Just one day at at time

It has been a good week overall. Greg has been out of town with the boys on their big AA, well not AA, but AA guys about 200 of them. He will be home Sunday. I miss my hubby, but it is good that we are able to let each do our own thing, what a deal, my relationship with my husband! I am very lucky and grateful for him.

I got 3 butt kicker workouts in and for me this month that is pretty good. Apparently I do have a thyroid problem not anything to get all up in arms about like my twin sister, but I have put on about 20 lbs in about maybe 6 months to a year somewhere around there. I remember when I was 25 lbs lighter, way to small and I went to the Dr. at that time for what ever reason I was all in my head about my weight and he looked at me pretty disgusted and said if I was to line you up with half my patients who come in with weight problems, you would really be disgusted with yourself for even thinking that, I was so mad at him, he did not do things the way I wanted him to. So when I went to him 2 days ago, he was quite concerned with my labs I had taken with another practitioner and he is repeating them and then we will go from there. Fatigue has been a major factor and I have been getting really good sleep without ambien, swelling of limbs and weight gain of that much when I do for the most part try to watch or at least be aware of what I do eat. Exercise has for the most part been a part of my routine, some form like the gym, bike riding, spinning class, walking what ever some form.

So today I am happy that I did get my exercise done and had my bowl of Special K with blueberries and did my sitting and prayer time. Have to get going on my getting ready for my Friday Thank God Group commitment and get my day going.

I am hoping to hike tomorrow and then on Sunday go for a bike ride with my good friends. I just got to get up like I said it has not been good sleeping time without my hubby.

I guess I just needed to get this off my brain. This is where I am at today. I really am not obsessing over my body but I have just really not been feeling up to par and it is always good to know what and why I have not been feeling really well.
My appt. with my Dr. for follow up labs is next week and then I go from there.

Staying in the present moment

I am becoming more and more aware of just really how important staying in the present moment really is for the better for me and thus better for all I have come into contact with. My readings, (mind blank on title) has been talking about, my perception of what I have been reading, being alone and the meaning of alone is in the present moment, not isolating, staying out of society. If I am to be thinking about the past and or the future I am destroying the present moment. If I am to become aware that thinking of the past or future is destructive of my present moment then in turn I am able to repair the past and make way for a better future. I get that today, this very moment. Before becoming aware of my present moment, I use to just stay stuck in my past doings, regret, anger, despair would always surely be in my thinking thus making me so miserable in my present. Thinking of my future, like how am I going to be looking like, how is my health going to be, am I going to live a long and healthy life, Is my daughter going to be OK, is my granddaughter going to still want to spend time with me, all that fretting over the future is definitely not prosperous because it keeps me stuck in that thinking and not wanting to take care of my present moment, health, happiness, relationships in this very present moment. When I use to come across readings of this type a while back and also not to far away from this very moment, I use to say what the heck is this reading trying to teach me, I just couldn't comprehend the meaning of the gibberish I thought it was, today right now at this very moment I am awakened into a new phase of my present moment and how important it is to stay right here right now and work on what is happening right here right now and then I may be at this very moment making a better future for me and all that I do come into contact with in my future and also repair my past. WOW pretty cool stuff.

Reading for today, hope to share later on just whatever.

What's the biggest obstacle to meditation practice?

There are always obstacles to daily practice. Some are quite obvious: traveling, staying up really late, changing your schedule a lot. For the most part, I've found the difficult obstacles to be the ones that come from within, those mental tricks we all use—you know, it's early, it's cold, I can't sit. The biggest obstacle is just the mind. You think you've got to get up right away and make some phone calls, or have breakfast, or go do this other thing. Your mind always tries to play these tricks. Things suddenly seem really urgent. For me the solution has been to create a schedule, to find myself some disciplined time, to just get up every day at seven no matter what. I've made a habit to get up, brush my teeth, sit—in that order—before I do anything else. And then, of course, after you sit you finish and you say to yourself, "What was so urgent that I felt I couldn't sit?"

–Dan Rosenberg, from "Making Time to Meditate," Tricycle, Spring 2001