My Delusions

Walk In Dry PlacesThe Delusion of "Just one more" .........Other Excesses A binge is a chain reaction that starts with one drink. After a grim period of enforced abstinence, that first drink may have brought us intense emotional release and a peak feeling of euphoria. For the rest of the binge, there was a continuing delusion that the next drink would help us recapture that peak experience. Delusion leads us to other excesses. Some alcoholics also binge on other addictive drugs, smoking, food, sex, gambling and power and recognition. In this frantic seeking, our basic delusion is that substances and things can satisfy what is really a spiritual need. Instead of realizing that there is a law of diminishing returns in the enjoyment of such things, we cling to the delusion that "just one more" will bring the relief and satisfaction we want. Delusions brought disillusionment, and only the truth set us free from alcohol and other addictive drugs. Other excesses might not hurt us to the extent alcohol did, but the excesses of our drinking years carry lessons that are equally applicable to other human problems. I will carry out the day's activities knowing that I already have enough of everything I need for this day alone.

It is not the alcohol that I have delusions with, it is food today. Yes some may think, that know me, what the hell??, but for the last 2 months or more, I have be in a binge of food. As a result of that I have put on more than 10 lbs, depending on the day, it is mostly somewhere around 15 lbs. My body does not feel like my own, again. I feel that my life is unmanageble. I am overwhelmed with it, not knowing where to end and where to begin with starting over and just doing the right choices again. The delusion is that I just wont eat the very unhealthy thing, what ever it may be, and there I sit with it again.

I want to feel healthy and somewhat in control of what goes into my body again. It was so freeing to know that I make the right choice of how my body is going to feel today. My choices effect my physical and my spiritual being.

I saw a commercial the other day with Oprah sitting in a chair and saying "how did I get to this place again"? That is exactly how I feel this very moment.

I want to feel healthy again.

I want to be in control of what goes into my body.

I want to be free again.

I know it is not the outside that is important!! I KNOW, but what I put inside my mouth effects what goes on in my mind, my body and my life.